Prop 8.1

Filed under Politics, Religion, Sex

Like, I suppose, most if not all of you, I have difficulty trying to simulate the mindset of somebody who voted for California’s Prop 8.

If I were gay, I imagine I would have quite a strong opinion on gay marriage. I imagine that I would have voted against the proposition thinking something along the lines of: “Well, it’s not for me. But, y’know, solidarity, sisters.”

As it happens I’m straight. Other than a general fondness for equality, I technically couldn’t give a rat’s ass. I am disinterested, if not uninterested.

So I’d have to ask my gay friend for advice.

“Hey, Gay John,” I’d say. “Do you think gay marriage should be legal?”

“Yes,” Gay John would definitely have said.

“So, I should vote against Prop 8?” I would have asked him.

“Yes,” Gay John would definitely have said.

“Thanks,” I would have said. “You big arse bandit.”

Gay John likes it when I talk dirty to him.

I have difficulty trying to figure out why someone who isn’t gay would vote for Prop 8, amending the state constitution to outlaw gay “marriage”.

The only two reasons I can think of, which are about a billion miles away from mutually exclusive, are: 1) religion, and 2) homophobia.

Gay people: you need to get revenge against these idiots. And I have the perfect solution.

Ban Mormon sodomy.

The Mormons took away your marriage rights. Next time there’s the opportunity to get a proposition on the ballot, take away their right to do the missus up the wrong ‘un.

Prop 8.1: “Anal sex between a Mormon and a Mormon is invalid and unrecognized in California.”

And watch as the fuckers scramble for donations to defeat it.

While the Mormons know precisely what their view of homosexual acts is – gay Mormons have to abide by a vow of chastity – they’re curiously silent on the issue of some hot hetero appendix-tickling.

You know why, right?

They’re all at it every night.

Every senior Mormon is coughing his yoghurt up the wives’ potty slots whenever he gets the chance.

I’m sure that after every primary debate even Mitt Romney couldn’t wait to get out of those magic underpants and give the old ball-and-chain a drive up Cadbury alley. Come on, look at her, Mrs Romney is definitely backwards compatible.

So, come on gays, why should the Mormons get a backstage pass? Start the petition now. You only need to find a million or so Californians with a sense of humour.

You could have it on the ballot by 2016, 2020 at the latest.

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2008-11-09  ::  Kevin Murphy