Give Aunty What She Wants
Filed under BBC, Comedy, Unemployed, Writing
Earlier this evening, I attended a meeting/talk/Q&A session for aspiring comedy writers, hosted by BBC Comedy-North at a theatre in Newcastle.
It started off quite depressing.
A BBC Writersroom lady explained that her department receives about 10,000 unsolicited manuscripts every year, across all genres. About 3% of these submissions enter development. Not necessarily commissioned, not necessarily produced, not necessarily filmed – developed.
This data was not intrinsically depressing. Given how much bollocks they must receive, 3% does seem reassuringly voluminous, at least from a writer’s perspective, equating as it does to about 300 scripts a year.
(Turns out I was incorrect there — the 3% actually refers to the number of scripts that Writersroom’s professional readers decide are worth reading beyond the first 10 pages. Out of 10,000 scripts each year, 9,700 are not read beyond page 10.)
But she followed up these statistics with a show-reel from some of BBC Comedy-North’s recent successes. The material, not necessarily unsolicited, that actually made it through the screening and development process and ultimately on to the telly.
The clips, presumably intended to illustrate the crème de la crème, were from Scallywagga, Gavin & Stacey and Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps.
As you might imagine, nobody in the theatre laughed. Not even a titter. There were about 80 people in the room, comedy fans all. From where I was sitting I could see most of their faces, and the only ones even smiling where the two BBC bods on the stage – the Writers’ Room lady and a producer named Chris (I didn’t catch his surname, and a quick google hasn’t shed any light).
They cut off the Two Pints clip before it had finished.
They also showed a clip from Ideal, the Johnny Vegas vehicle. I think Ideal is a bloody good program, well-written and regularly funny stuff, but they showed a rubbish clip, which failed to get a rise from the audience.
I did wonder if everybody else was sitting in silence because they were trying to maintain an air of professionalism. I imagined them thinking:
“We’re here to study the medium, don’t you know? And besides, the manuscript burning a hole in my laptop is ten times funnier than this mediocrity.”
But when they showed a brilliant clip from the first series of The League Of Gentlemen, we all pissed ourselves. So I guess the rest of the wannabe comedy writers were, like me, just not responding to the other material.
Indeed, during the Q&A later, one guy put his hand up to dryly ask for help understanding the difference between “single-camera sitcom” and “comedy drama”. I assumed he was taking the piss, though I may have been projecting.
Anyway, after the presentation warmed up, and it did, I started taking notes. There was a fair bit of useful information, and it was well worth a few hours out of my hectic life to attend.
As a preemptive apologia, Chris (it may have been Christian) seemed terribly nervous, poor chap, and my shorthand is a bit rusty, so any quotes below should not be taken as journalist-quality verbatim. I also only noted any comments that seemed relevant to getting a script over the first hurdle. Any errors, omissions or outright inaccuracies are mine and mine alone.
What The BBC Wants
- While sketch shows and “broken comedy” formats are also desired, studio sitcoms and single-camera location stuff like Gavin & Stacey are “massively in demand”. The IT Crowd, a Channel 4 show, was cited as an example of the kind of thing the Beeb wants to commission.
- It was mentioned that BBC One is “losing its pre-watershed slots” for comedy. This was probably irrelevant to most of us assembled wannabes. It seems to me that comedy needs to prove itself on one of the other channels before it gets promoted to BBC One. An unknown writing specifically for a BBC One audience would, I reckon, be wildly ambitious.
- BBC Two is no longer a venue for “experimentation”. It wants studio sitcoms. Its audience is broad, ranging from those in their mid-20s to 50s.
- BBC Three: I inferred from what was said, possibly incorrectly, that this channel has a relatively new creative head. That person’s opinion is apparently that BBC Three should be a “mini-BBC One”. Thus, while it was said that Three is also not a venue for “experimentation”, it was also said that the channel has license to be “cheekier” and “more mischievous” than its older brothers.
- BBC Four doesn’t commission a lot of comedy. Lead Balloon appears to be the notable exception.
- Children’s comedy and online short-form stuff were also mentioned as potential outlets, but I was zoning out during this bit and didn’t write anything down. Sorry.
- The Beeb has three commissioning rounds each year.
What To Write
- Scripts for studio sitcoms should be looking for three laughs per page. I wasn’t clear whether this is a minimum or an average, but it sounded like a nice common sense rule of thumb.
- They’re looking for witty, set-up/pay-off dialogue.
- They’re currently looking for “big grandstanding moments that play to the gallery”.
- They’re currently “seeking more laugh out loud moments”.
- A rough three-act structure is obviously a good thing.
- If you’re going for a “broken comedy” format along the lines of League Of Gentlemen, make sure you have a “distinct voice” and “unique tone”, etc.
- Ditto for budding “writer-performers”. Think Steve Coogan. He has a unique tone. You need one too. Though not his, obviously.
- Monologue-based comedy is a very hard sell. Somebody I’d never heard of apparently already has this limited market all sewn up.
- While Chris(tian) has a soft spot for darker, crueller material, the current fad is for gentler, more accessible comedies. Gavin & Stacey was mentioned as an example of this.
- But fads are cyclical (he said). After the viewing public grows tired of her overstocked larder of lame vicar-friendly comedy dramas, Aunty will probably go kicking down Chris Morris’s door again (my interpretation).
- If you’re submitting a script or portion of a script on spec, it might be a good idea to send the second or third episode, rather than the series opener, so you can get straight into the funny stuff without worrying about laying the groundwork of character and situation and risking boring the reader with excess exposition.
- If you’re interested, the difference between “single-camera sitcom” and “comedy drama” is essentially the story. If it’s a dramatic story with lighter moments of wit, it’s a comedy drama. If it’s a comedic story, where the plot is there to serve the humour, it’s a sitcom, even if it has the odd moment of seriousness.
Money
- We were told that budgets for comedies range from £60,000 to £350,000 per episode. About £200k might be normal. This likely means that requiring a legion of extras, stacks of custom props, location shoots and special effects to tell your story would lead to your script having a lasting encounter with a spike.
- It’s acceptable for a studio-based sitcom to have 20% to 30% of its running time shot on location.
- Animation is expensive. If you’re a comedy animator, the best strategy would be to try out your material on the internet first. If there’s a ready-made audience for your stuff, the BBC would be more likely to commission it. If you’re an animator, I expect this is not news to you.
- Lastly, and most depressingly, a newbie comedy writer can expect to be paid a paltry £3,000 per 30-minute episode. Don’t quit the day job, in other words, assuming you’re currently lucky enough to have one.
- Once your work is proven, in demand, and you’ve hauled your way up the ranks, £20k per episode might be more realistic. It was said that at the Beeb, your fee will never go down unless you agree to it in order to work on a project you’re particularly passionate about.
That is all.
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2009-02-05 :: Kevin Murphy